If you’re a mama, you probably know that motherhood is one of the hardest jobs on the planet. But it’s also one of the most rewarding. Sleepless nights, toddler temper tantrums, and picky eaters don’t seem so bad when you see your child look up at you and smile and say “I love you, mama.” Cue melting heart. But the truth is that motherhood has its fair share of challenges, one of those being mom guilt and anxiety. Mommy guilt can cause you to feel anxious, which sometimes makes you feel like you’re going to lose your junk. Have you been there? I know I have.
So how do we handle mom guilt? How do we deal with mom anxiety? I don’t have all of the answers, but I have learned some powerful truths to put mommy guilt in its place. These truths are for any mom who wants to gain control over her guilt and anxiety. Let’s talk about some of the lies that we often believe that trigger guilt and anxiety in the first place.
Lies That Lead to Mom Guilt and Anxiety
Lie #1: You Aren’t a Good Mom
This lie is probably the one that has the most power over us as mamas. Some days we feel like we’ve got this mom gig down <insert hair flip here>. Other days we feel like we just aren’t doing a good enough job. The laundry is piled up to the ceiling, the kids are wearing the same clothes two days in a row, and the lunch you packed for them consists of a granola bar and two Cheez-Its that you found under the car seat on the way to school.
Truth: I would be willing to bet that you are an amazing mama. I mean, you’re reading an article about mom guilt and anxiety which means that you’re probably seeking encouragement in this area. If you love your kiddos and you’re honestly doing your very best to raise and nurture them, you’re a good mama. Period.
Lie #2: Other Mamas Have It All Together
This lie feeds lie #1 because as mamas, we tend to compare ourselves to each other. I mean, Gretchen has four kids, makes them organic veggie muffins, home schools, and makes Pinterest-worthy meals for her family every night. Oh, and she’s in great shape too. Good for you, Gretchen.
Here’s the thing, it may look like other moms have their junk together, but the truth is that we all struggle with something. I guarantee you that if you were to tell that mama who you think has it all together that you think she does, she would be shocked. And she would probably let you know very quickly that your perception is a little skewed. Let’s stop comparing ourselves to our imaginary ideas about other mamas and stay in our own lane.
Lie #3: Something’s Wrong with My Kid
As mamas, we are no strangers to worry. You may worry that your baby will get sick. And then there’s the fear that your kid won’t make friends at school. What if your child picks up some sort of flesh-eating bacteria from the Trader Joe’s shopping cart? Then what?
Honestly, we can drive ourselves mad about all of the “what ifs.” Could any of these scenarios happen? Yes. Are they likely to happen? Not really. A normal amount of concern about your kids comes with motherhood. It’s kind of like a package deal. We want the best for our kids and it is our job to provide for and protect them.
The problem arises when we are consumed with worry and fear concerning our kids. Mom guilt and anxiety can become part of our identity. We think that we aren’t good mamas if we don’t worry about our kids. This is a lie, mama. The Bible tells us that we are not supposed to worry (Matthew 6:25-34), and I’m pretty sure God didn’t include the caveat: “unless you’re a mama.”
Lie #4: I’ve Got to Do It All
As mamas, we often have a strong desire to help everyone and every cause that we can because it is our nature to nurture. You volunteer for every ministry at church, commit to providing a craft for your preschooler’s class every month, agree to serve on the PTA, and sign up your kids for every activity know to man. This is a recipe for disaster. In our attempt to be everything to everyone, we overextend ourselves and have nothing left to give our families.
The lie is that you’ve got to do it all. The truth is that you don’t. What’s more, you shouldn’t. If there was one hard lesson that I had to learn as a new mama it was this: there are seasons for serving and giving. I’m not saying that you stop serving and giving when you become a mama. But who you serve and give is what changes. Learn to say “no” to the things that can wait and be prepared to say “yes” to the most important things.
How to Get Rid Of Mom Guilt and Anxiety
Let’s be real, getting rid of mom guilt and anxiety is an ongoing battle. The good news is that you can overcome it when you are armed with the tools you need to take it down when it arises. Below are a few strategies that you can use to gain control over mommy guilt and anxiety.
Strive to:
- Stop comparing yourself to other moms.
- Stop comparing your child to other children.
- Focus on gratitude.
- Give yourself grace.
- Stop setting unrealistic expectations for yourself.
- Trust your mama instincts.
- Ask for help.
- Do the very best that you can.
The Good News
Believing all of the lies that we discussed has a way of triggering mom guilt and anxiety. The good news is that we can protect ourselves from being consumed with mommy guilt and anxious thoughts by being aware of these lies and the truths that defy them. Because once we are able to recognize the lies that want to overwhelm us we can take them down with truth. Here’s one thing that I am sure of: you are a good mama, right now, this second. Keep on keeping on, mama.
Are You Tired Of Feelings of Worry, Fear, and Anxiety Robbing You Of Your Peace and Joy? Me Too.
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